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Frog Legs

By Art

I was just hangin out in the barracks and chekin out the weather on a Saturday morning. The weatherman was saying sever thunderstorms early in the afternoon. This was makin me try to figure out how to plan a day of ridding around the weather.

As I look outside, it is a spectacular July morning in the Carolinas . I'm torn between the beach or just ridding up the coast to various waterin holes along the way. I walk outside and have a look around. There are a few clouds building on the horizon. While standing there the duty N.C.O walks up and tells me I have a phone call. I follow him to the duty room and pick the receiver up off of the desk, say hello and hear Paul's voice on the other end of the line. Informing me that him and his roommate Charlie have been out giggin frogs all night. I'm kinda pissed off cuz I didn't get an invite on a good time. Paul tells me to haul ass to his place if I want to grub out with them. I let him know I'll be there lickity split.

Fuck the rain I grab some cash and vacate the barracks for a day of who knows what. I walk to the glide and give him the once over checkin the gas and oil so if I need to I can stop on the way there. I flip on the fuel and stand beside him as I fire him off. Last night was pretty lame I was hangin at the Wagon Wheel a small topless joint that seemed to specialize in fairly fugally, boring country girls that wanted me to part with all of my cash. I am definitely up for an ass kickin time today and things seem to be getting off to a good start.

After strapping my lid on I swing my leg over my warmed up 80 in. Shovel plunk him in to first, dump the clutch and roll out. As I signal a left turn heading out of the parking lot I make sure to hold the hand signal and touch the asphalt as I make the corner. That ones for the boys who are stuck in that boring routine of killin time till they get their discharge, screw them life is made for living and I think today I'll be a participant.

I motor along the main drag on base and there ain't shit happening but the boot MP's looking to fuck with someone like me so I keep everything cool. I roll through the front gate and pull into the left turn lane. Paul lives about fifteen minutes down RT. 101 doing eighty or so. The light turns green and I roll the throttle open, speed shift in to second and kick out the rear tire some as the clutch engages fully. I'm off to a flyin start and just jam down the road taking in the sights and smells. Once again I'm totally one with my scoot just beboppin along enjoying the ride. I blast through a little group of business and the local tobacco farmers give me a wave. I return the greeting and roll on.

As I near Paul's trailer I open it up so he can hear me comin. I break it down hard and hang a left into his front yard. Paul's 78 Super Glide is sittin' in the front yard clean as shit, I can see he's been working on it by the tools laying around so it looks like he has plans for later. I also notice that for some unknown reason to me he has his water sprinkler runnin. I do know that he hates to cut his grass and also that his '72 Plymouth is sitting under the water which strikes me as odd due to the fact that we have been using it for penetration test on various caliber hand guns. We've been tryin to find the perfect pistol that will go in one side and do the desired damage with out exiting the vehicle causing danger to anyone else. So far we both like the results of the 380 I own. I wonder if he realizes or cares about his water runnin?

I kill the motor as all six foot seven of him appears in his door with a shit eatin grin on his face he waves me in. I walk into the trailer to see a small frog leg production line, noting that all of the victims aren't dead yet I ask him how many they got and he says about a hundred. I do the math and figure that we are all going to eat good today. Paul's roommate Charlie passes me a joint to get my head right for a good feed. I walk to the front door and sit down to smoke and take in the bikes. As I relax and take in the seen I notice some movement off to my left, my first thought is a copperhead, my head slowly turns to see a delegged frog crawlin around on it's front legs .I think man what the fuck, these are two sick puppies here and nonchalantly inform them that they have an escapee. Paul and Charlie start to giggle and tell me not to worry about it. Say they're watering them so that they're legs will grow back faster .I proceed to laugh my ass off. After a few minutes I'm handed a plate stacked high with legs. I sit in silence eaten and watching last night's victims crawl around the front yard under the water sprinkler while listening to the story of last nights adventure. I soon make the remark that the two of them must be fairly tired and they say na we got some real good acid before we left. Now things are really startin to look up.

I glance off to the south and notice heavy clouds building on the horizon and think to myself. "Fuck it let it rain!" I notice that Charlie is on the phone talking to someone but don't pay much attention to his conversation as I chow down. I finish up and bring the plate inside as I hand it to Paul I notice that there is a rather large pile of legs left and mention it to them They tell me their neighbor is coming over for some for her ol' man who's pulling duty at his barracks. In a few minutes we hear a scream followed by you sick mother fuckers. The young lady has arrived and walks through the door. She cusses them both out thanks them for the legs and walks out muttering some kinda shit. Paul says he's gotta take a shower but before he leaves he tells me a guy in his unit is having a bachelor party this weekend and that's where we're heading. Before he leaves he hands me two hits of blotter and walks out of the room.

I waste no time takin both of them and can't wait for the fun to begin. I walk to the door and sit back down checkin out the scoots again. I glance back to the south and the clouds are starting to look quite a bit more ominness, should make things interesting tryin to out run this one. We're headed to Emerald Isle a bunch of guys in Paul's unit have been renting a nice beach house there for a couple a years now. They get a good price renting year round. I've been there a few times and tried to weasel my way into a room but they didn't want any part of my “crazy ass” living there. Oh well, I've stopped by a few times to party down and surf fish with them. I always get some funny looks from the locals when I go riddin around with my surf rod bungeed to the buckhorns. I notice that funny taste in my mouth as I stare at my reflection in Paul's air cleaner wonderin if my eyes look ok. Paul says something and scares the shit outta me. He's standing right behind me laughing and ask me what the fuck I'm doin? I 'm just checkin out your air cleaner wonderin how you got it so clean. I look south again and tell him it looks like it's going to rain its ass off. He looks over and says fuck it lets ride.

Shit man you sure you don't wanna wait this one out. He says no as he throws a leg over his bike. Fuck me I know that we're going to have to turn back in to this to get to I-70. He's got his bike running and I'm standing there lost in thought, I ask him about his tools and he says Charlie will get them as he drops the glide into first and pulls off. Shit man I gotta get my shit together here. I fumble around for my keys for a while before I realize they're in my ignition so I walk over to my scoot and throw my leg over him. I flip on the ignition and hit the button the ol' boy fires off, shit man that was easy enough. I grab my lid off of the mirror, drop him into first, hang a clean u-turn in the wet grass and seem to have my shit together. I pull up next to Paul with a really big grin on my face as I think to myself this is going to be kick ass jammin. He tells me to turn on my gas, I say huh; he says "Turn on your gas." real slow this time. Oh yeah, man these straight pipes are bitchin. I flip on my gas and dump the clutch while rollin on the throttle. Fuckin a Tweety I grab second and lay it on heavy. I go to grab third and ease into it so Paul can catch up as I do this he goes blowin by me. I roll it back on and catch him, as I pull along side of him we both go in to forth gear together. We look over at each other and nod, life is good, we jam down the road till we come to RT. 24 there we hang a left side by side and grab third gear together.

As we motor along I look at the sky, shit man this doesn't look good. It's turning black green and the wind is starting to pick up I look over and Paul's just jamming along like it's sunny and 80 degrees out, fuck it, I'm feelin fine. We get about a quarter of a mile down the road and the shit hits the fan. Lightning is landing all over the place. We're skirting the lake that they were giggin at last night and the thing has little white caps on it. Paul's picked up the pace and I'm layin about a foot back from the front of his bike so I get the full effect of his 2 inch shotguns they're soundin sweet. I look his ride over and can see that he's spent some time cleaning it up. As I look back up the rain starts to come down in sheets. We both flip on our lights and have to slow down to about twenty, I'm drenched, the rain is coming down in waves which is fuckin me up .As we jam along at turtle speed Paul looks over and says something the rain is runnin down my lid and neck as my boots fill up with water. I am one miserable fucker. I try to look ahead knowing that there is a bend in the road comin up as I do I start to get pelted with dime size hail goin twenty miles an hour. This is a fairly wooded area and I start to wonder if lighting is attracted to pine trees. This gives me a head rush and I mentally laugh at myself as I do this a big assed lightin bolt travels down a pine tree right next to me throwing limbs and dirt all over the place.

Fuuuck this, I try to pick up the pace to twenty-five but there's about six inches of standin water on the roadway now. My engineer boots are getting flooded so I pick them up off of the forward controls thinking maybe it will help when the next lightin strike hits. I seem to think that there is one with my name on it today so I hunch down over my handlebars. No man your just trippin I tell myself just keeps riddin. Paul pulls ahead of me and starts to hang a right on this little road, I follow him. As I make the road and turn in it occurs to me that this is a state minimum-security prison. The guys in here work on the road crews just like in Cool Hand Luke. What in the fuck am I doin' here on acid. Man this is not good at all. The muther fuckin building is one ominous looking fucker to me as we roll down the drive getting closer to the front of the place. I've ridden by here a lot of times and never did like the looks of it one bit. We make the front of the place and the rain seems to have let up a little, can't tell if it's the fact that we're movin slower or the acid. Paul pulls up under this big assed pine tree and I pull up next to him. He's killed his motor and I kill mine I look over at him and try to ask him what's up but can't keep from laughin my ass off. He tells me we'll wait it out here. I ponder the though for a minute and try to tell him we're sittin under a pine tree. He looks at me kind of funny then jumps off his bike and runs to the front of the building. I hop off of mine then stop and look around for some were else to park it. About that time another one of them big mothers land in the back of the place and I haul ass over to were he's standin under this little awning. The rain is back in full effect and it's going sideways.

We're both standing there getting drenched when the door opens up and a C.O waves us over. My mind is telling me fuck this but I follow Paul over and the guy ask us to come on in. Shit fuck me .I try to play it cool and walk in as I try figure out what the fuck I'm goin to say to this guy. Paul's got the lead and I'm right behind him. The C.O says he was watching us on his surveillance camera and figured that he'd let us sit it out in the waiting area. Paul thanks him and he points us to a set of benches. I keep my mouth shut and grab a seat. I can look down the hall at one of the blocks and the inmates are going ape shit. They're all locked down but hands and arms are appearing out of cells. Everyone is hootin and hollerin every time they hear thunder. Screaming for the power to go off. Paul nudges me and I look over at him. He's got a shit eattin grin on his face, I've gotta look away so I won't start laughin my ass off. I tell myself to be cool. I look over at the C.O and he's talking on the phone. I notice that there is a bank of monitors in front of him and on one I can see the bikes out front. I nudge Paul and nod at them.

As I sit there a puddle of water starts to gather under me. I'm waiting for a guard to show up any minute to pat us down and throw the cuffs on us. "Man ain't this is the shits" I think to myself. The volume of noise commin off of the cellblock is so loud that I'm having a hard time putting my thoughts together. It's like I'm listenin to one hindered different conversations at once. I focus my thoughts on the ride here man what a ride. About that time Paul nudges me. The C.O is walking over to us. I sit there checkin everything but him out. The guy stops in front of us and tells us that the rain has let up and that we gotta go. I try to keep from smiling my ass off as I stand up. Paul thanks him and we walk to the door. As I walk I can hear the water in my boots sloshing around my feet. The C.O opens the door and we walk out, it's still raining, but it's just a heavy rain. The lightening strikes are down by the coast and the sky has lightened up a lot. Shits looking better by the minute. We walk to the bikes in silence as we get to them we hear the door to the lock up slam shut and Paul says shhhhiiiit. I start to crack up again and get hit with a really good head rush oh maaann.

Paul's strapping on his lid smiling like it was nothing outta the ordinary. I look around for my lid and don't see it. I go into full panic mode thinking that I may have left it inside. I turn around and see it against the wall. The freakin thing is upside down I walk over to it and show it to Paul as I pour the water out of it. He shakes his head and fires off his glide. I walk over to mine and check to see that the gas is on before I fire it off. The scoot fires right of and seems to understand the urgency I feel for leaving this place, I throw on my soggy lid and water starts to run down my face and neck as I tighten the strap under my chin. We pull out from under the big pine and head out the other side of the horseshoe shaped drive. As we roll along I see that it's still rainin and figure that I'll be pretty miserable at this party. We make it to the asphalt and pull off of state property together. Paul pulls ahead of me as I try to get my cold wet miserable trippin ass comfortable. Once I get situated I roll on the throttle and start gaining ground on him as I close the gap Paul starts to slow down and hold his left hand out and down palm facing me. I back off of the throttle as I pull up along side of him and we lug along in third gear. I look over at him and he says he has to stop at the Red and White grocery store in Newport. I nod and take the lead just puttin along in forth.

We roll around a corner, the Red and White just down the street, I'm catchin some real good head rushes when I notice that the intersection we're comin up to has about a foot of standing water in it. Well I guess I'll clean the road film off as I accelerate towards it. I lift my feet off of the pegs and roll on in to it. I watch the front tire cutting through the water while watchin the spray and wake commin off of it. I roll through the stop sign so that I don't have to put my feet down and head for the parking lot as I pull up to the side of the store a group of housewives give me a hoot and I laugh. I kill the motor and Paul pulls in along side of me he looks over at me and laughs. I really don't want to get off of my bike because at the moment the only thing warm on my body is my ass from being on the seat. Paul gets off of his bike and walks over to the coke machine as I sit and enjoy the head rushes runnin from my forehead to my neck. I look over to Paul and he signals me over to the machine with him I walk over to him and notice he aint buyin any sodas.

I get to the machine and start to feed change into it as I look over at him. I see him pull a bag out of his pocket and notice that the joints in it are dry so I tell him the rest of the acid should be too. He nods and walks to his bike pops off the cap on the handle bar grip and shoves it in. My soda drops and I walk over to him saying that I am one wet muther fucker we both laugh and he tells me that he forgot he even had the shit on him until we were inside the pen. I shake my head and laugh at him. It's still rainin so we walk over to the storefront and stand under the roof. I take my lid off and look off to the south seeing the sun just start to peek out from the clouds it's about three in the afternoon and we have the rest of the day in front of us.

Paul aint much for small talk but we've been ridden together for about two years now. If you didn't know him you would think he was always pissed off but it's just his Polish New York nature. I stand there trippin trying to act nonchalant as the locals walk by giving us the once over. Fuck them I think to myself as I start to giggle at my current condition. The sun hits us and Paul turns around and asks me if I'm done with my cola. I say fuck it lets ride and we walk over to the bikes. I tell him to lead and I'll bring up the rear.

We both look our bikes over as we strap on our lids and start our glides up I swing my leg over mine and look over at the shopping cart guy looking over at us, give him a nod, back out and plunk into first and pull up to the street. Paul eases by me on my left and blows outta there I follow suit and we head to Interstate 70. We make the intersection of I-70 as I look for oncoming traffic I notice that the water on the roadway is evaporating so fast that it's turning into steam under the late July sun. Man what a ride this is going to be. Paul waits till we have a clear shot and he blast across both lanes of traffic and into the fast lane. I'm hot on his back tire and we both go blastin down the fast lane in the rising steam. After about five minutes at eighty I realize that I am now bone dry and comfortable as can be. The acid buzz is perfect for this ride and we motor along side by side lost in our own thoughts headed to one hellatious party but that's another story folks for another day. LTR

May not be used without written permission of author.